I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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