he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
