$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I am naked and annoyed.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
