so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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