My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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