I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
