Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
