Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
