she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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