who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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