I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
we're so committed to being not committed
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
