i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
