She is in my trunk
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
two words...techno handjob
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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