Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
