i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
