I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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