We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
