ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
