Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
