you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
