You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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