The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
