I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
