the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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