You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
