dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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