bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
