Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
