maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
