woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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