her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
