All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize