She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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