Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
