i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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