Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
