I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
