There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
