She announced her abortion via fbk
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
