Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
