You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize