Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
