About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
