My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
