hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
