just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize