Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
