I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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