it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
