i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
