He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
