it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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