Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize