Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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