at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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