i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I still have a little drunk in my system
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
