I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
