i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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