Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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