Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize