you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
