cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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