Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
