OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
These tits shall not be calmed
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
