my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
