consequently i now know what mace tastes like
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
