Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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