girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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