we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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