Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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